Review: Iron Man #81

A Sorry End for Everyone

The Oval Office, December 1976 - one month after President Ford was defeated by Georgia Governor Jimmy Carter in the General Election. The President is meeting with his top advisors.

“I just don’t get it,” The President sighed, looking at no one in particular. “How did I lose to a peanut farmer? Was it for pardoning Nixon? Too many stumbles? Chevy Chase?

One advisor placed a file on his desk. “Sir, we believe we have an answer. Since the general election, we have conducted extensive, in depth polling in several key swing states. Based on this, we have discovered that there were two issues of a comic book released in the late summer of 1975 that may have made the difference.”

“A comic book? How could that impact an election?”

“The story had a character who was a facsimile of you as ‘King Jerrald’, ruler of a kingdom called ‘Grand Rapids.’”

The President raised a skeptical eyebrow. “I don’t know. That sounds pretty silly. How could that have any impact on voters?”

“According to our polling, these two issues were so thoroughly disliked by comic book readers that they had an unintended ripple effect. One that extended far beyond simply those who read those issues. The animosity spread to friends and family members as well, altering what had been either favorable or neutral perceptions of you into ones of a more negative nature.”

I believe this is the last we see of the roller skates for a very long time!

Silence followed for several minutes as the President let those words sink in. Finally, he turned to that same advisor. “Do you have those comic books with you?”

“Yes we do, Sir,” the man responded, opening the file and offering both issues to the Commander-In-Chief.

After thumbing through them, President Ford looked up at his advisors. “From what I can tell, this seems rather harmless. That King Jerrald doesn’t even look like me. Are you sure about this.”

The advisor’s face could have been carved from stone. “Absolutely, Sir. No question about it. These two issues are the reason you will leave office next month.”

“Wow. All my dreams and all that work undone by something as frivolous - as silly - as these two issues of Iron Man.”

If "senses-boggling" means "confusing and pointless", I'm on board!

Another advisor chimed in. “Sir, we thought you should know. And we’re also prepared to take any action you deem appropriate as retaliation against this writer and Marvel Comics.

“Are you serious?” President Ford’s expression hardened. “Let’s get something clear right now. There is no way that this office will ever use the Justice Department to seek revenge against any political opponents. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Sir.” was the unanimous response.

“And furthermore,” the President concluded, “There is no way that any future president will use the Justice Department to seek revenge against perceived political opposition. That I can guarantee to all of you!”

Yeah, I know. That’s quite a reach for a comic as dismal and disappointing as this one. The sorry conclusion to a storyline introduced in #68 that went out not with a whimper, but a faint whisper. But what would you expect when you experience, “The War of the Mind-Dragons!”

Credits

Writer: Mike Friedrich

Penciller: Chic Stone

Inker: Vince Colletta

Colorist: Janice Cohen

Letterer: Annette Kawecki

Editor: Marv Wolfman

Cover Art: Ron Wilson & Joe Sinnott

Release Date: September 23, 1975

Synopsis

A decidedly uninspired Ron Wilson & Joe Sinnott cover prepares us for what’s ahead. Chic Stone and Vince Coletta are back for Mike Friedrich’s final issue, providing that same sterile art as Round One.

We start with Iron Man taking on Nelson Rockefeller’s - I mean Baron Rockler’s Viking helmeted mercenaries. That he gobbles up seven entire pages playing with these clowns - including a full-page spread - underscores that there isn’t much to this story. At least our hero has some fun with hand image inducer and roller skates.

Sure hope you had that wife sign a Pre-Nup!

And to keep the plot moving, we also have another “MADSTARK” to remind us that the longer our hero hangs out in the Black Lama/King Jerald’s home dimension, the more bat-shit nuts he becomes.

After having evaded Iron Man by the skin of his pearly white teeth, the poor Baron is then poisoned by his lovely wife. A naughty deed observed by an eavesdropping Firebrand. He and the scheming Baroness quickly strike up an alliance as well as thought balloons indicating how quickly each will betray the other when it’s all over. Even better, the Baroness’s evil scientist has a weapon ready to unleash that only needs a source of power!

As all this unfolds, Iron Man’s conferring with King Jerald and his daughter when a sudden MADSTARK episode has him nearly strangle the former Black Lama - something I suspect many of us have wanted to do these past ten issues!

Although he stops in time, it causes the King to ‘fess up that he and Firebrand don’t have much time to get back home before they take a permanent ride on the Crazy Train.

My favorite 70's Iron Man Image (Not!) Melting armor!

Fortunately, it’s at that very moment that a huge mechanical dragon attacks! Hey, the title uses the word dragons, so dammit, there’ll be a dragon in this story! Sure enough, the cute, but naughty Baroness and that evil scientist are at helm with Firebrand firing away into some vent.

How will Iron Man ever stop them?

What about using his “handsaw” to essentially cripple the mechanical beast? From there, instead of using a myriad of other weapons - including a freezing bomb - Iron Man lodges his back into the mouth of the beast, blocking its fire. After a panel of melting armor, the head explodes!

Of course, Iron Man’s armor is fine. Which is good since he’s immediately challenged by Firebrand. But before our hero can give that mouthy villain a well-deserved thrashing, both are confronted by episodes of madness - which means a large forehead for Iron Man and big ears and nose for Firebrand. Still, it takes our guy only three panels to finally take out the troublemaker who caused him to be in this dimension in the first place.

Or you could just ask the next writer to ignore all of it!. (Including that tear on her face!)

A few kind words are exchanged before Iron Man takes Firebrand home. As luck would have, a time lag in the teleportation allows Firebrand time to escape, leaving our hero musing over his growing feelings for Roxanne Gilbert and because of them, wondering how he will face poor Marianne Rodgers.

Actually, Tony, you won’t deal with it at all. Nor does Roxanne hang around much longer either. Reason for that’s explained in the final caption, letting us know this is Mike Friedrich’s final issue. We’re also informed that the new writer will be former Editor-in-Chief Len Wein with Herb Trimpe on the art.

Story

In Marvel Masterworks The Invincible Iron Man, Volume 10, Mike Friedrich states that these two issues were essentially his way to “extricate myself from a tangled web that I no longer enjoyed creating.” No doubt considerable disappointment lingered over these two issues as the culmination of the “Super-Villain War” took directions far less impactful that what he’d likely intended at the onset.

Don't they look so cute together?

I can add that it was equally frustrating for every reader who had been drawn into the hype regarding this “war” to see it peter out with this nonsensical story. (I also always wondered how King Jerald fared at this job after all of this.)

Although I could have done without the “MADSTARK” goofiness, the overall writing wasn’t bad in this issue. Not great. But not awful. Just rather mediocre. Which, fair or unfair, basically sums up Mike Friedrich’s 30-issue run on Iron Man. There were a couple of excellent issues (such as #54 and #55) followed by a few really bad issues (like #50 and #79). But overall, the stories were “middle of the road.”

Nonetheless, this issue was indeed a sad end to the longest run of any Iron Man writer since Stan Lee. 3/10

Art

Competent art hurts when it fails to add any flair. Something definitely needed in this story. A more visually engaging mechanical dragon as well as a more imaginative “madness” battle would have added some appeal. Again, not awful, but decidedly bland. At least both artists met their deadlines. 5/10

Could this be any less underwhelming?

Wimp Factor

No idea why it took Iron Man seven pages to deal with some soldiers with dumb-looking helmets, but our guy made up for it by beating Firebrand in only three panels -which he should’ve done in #77! I’ll call the glass half empty. 5/10

Villain Rating

The pretty Baroness and her evil scientist stooge served only as needed plot devices. As such they combine for 1/10. Although Firebrand became almost a supporting character for Mike Friedrich’s tenure, each appearance seemed to diminish him as a threat. The three-panel smackdown fully illustrates that. 4/10

Overall Rating

At least we’re able to finally walk away from this train wreck of a storyline. 3/10

Uh, wouldn't Firebrand be tossed around inside a moving, mechanical dragon?

Additional Nuts & Bolts

• This issue marked the end of Mike Friedrich’s tenure at Marvel as well. His work on this book is the subject of a special post called The Iron Men: Mike Friedrich coming up on Wednesday.

• Now we move on to poor Marianne Rodgers. As I said before, Tony doesn’t actually deal with her at all. Nor do we see her lovely face again until #103.

• As for Firebrand, he not only escapes Iron Man, but this entire series until showing up nearly one-hundred issues later in #172 when he faces a completely different Iron Man.

• Thankfully, this is the last time we ever see the good King Jerald or his hooded alter ego, the Black Lama!