Review: Iron Man #67

Iron Man Moves to My “Endangered List”!

Iron Man #67 proves a sad, and in many ways, needless disappointment. Sad because we see the return of a villain no one - not even his mother - wants to see return to these pages. But in my mind, the greatest shortcoming for this comic is the failure of the writer to drop any hints as to what's coming for this title.

No, I don't mean that starting next issue Iron Man's armor will include that damned nose. What I do mean is that #68 is the introduction to the "War of the Supervillains." While that storyline turned out to be infamous for a multitude of reasons, the very next issue features the Mandarin locked out of his own castle by another villain as well as the guest appearance of Sunfire. Why not include a page or two of the Asian bad guy's eviction? This book didn't fall to bi-monthly status because of stellar sales. Wouldn't some promotion such as this help increase those sales? Instead, we have a predictable retread of every previous Iron Man story that features the Freak.

As a thirteen-year-old now fully immersed in comic collecting, I was running into “budgetary” challenges that had me carefully considering where my limited funds were going. It was with this issue that the comic that brought me into collecting had unthinkably moved onto the … “Endangered List.”

I believe you’ll see what I mean when we witness the "Return of the Freak!”

No explanation point in the title? That's not a good sign!

Credits

Writer: Mike Friedrich

Pencils: George Tuska

Inks: Mike Esposito

Colorist: George Roussos

Letterer: Artie Simek

Editor: Roy Thomas

Cover Art: Gil Kane & Mike Esposito

Release Date: December 18, 1973

Synopsis

Artists Gil Kane and Mike Esposito commence the mediocrity with a cover that stumbles into the unappealing category of “not great-not awful.” Interior artists George Tuska and Mike Esposito attempt to inject some excitement with our hero hoisting a monstrous chuck of something mechanical with frantic words filling the captions.

Unfortunately, this is milked into overkill with a double page spread that eats up the next two pages advancing the story virtually nil. Once we learn that he’s doing a solid for a business rival who’s “mother-of-all-air-conditioning-units” was about to topple, it’s another panel before he sets it down and smashes through it. Still, it provides a bit of room for a reminder of the spinning plates to be addressed. Eddie March is still in critical condition and a Dr. Obatu who looks little like the Dr. Obatu we’ve come to despise these past several issues receives diplomatic immunity and a physical threat from Iron Man.

At least the artists put more attention into the next scene for an underwear shot of the Annoying Hippy, changing for some mysterious trip. I’m hoping that she’s leaving this book for the next several issues but know that’s not going to be the case.

Speaking of changing clothes, we next have Iron Man stripping off the armor to become Tony Stark. Although he mutters something about his heart, I’m hoping that those “flutters” were caused only by the cute nurses sharing the elevator ride with him.

Maybe it's just me, but I think my heart would be fluttering more about changing clothes in the bushes outside a hospital.

From there, Tony Stark visits the OR where renowned physician Dr. Donald Blake announces that he’s not going to be able to save Eddie March until somehow, some way, they can increase the poor guy’s strength.

Why, I have just the thing, says Tony. It’s a device called the Enervator that mutated my best friend into a mindless, super-strong monster we decided to call The Freak because, why not?

Well, that’s basically what he said.

Not one of Tuska & Esposito's better panels. But if it kept Dr. Obatu away from this book, maybe it was worth it?

So, Don taps his cane to change into Thor so that he can help Iron Man carry this wondrous bit of Silver Age tech to Motown save the former Boxer. Naturally, Thor’s appearance is entirely off panel. I mean, why would a struggling bi-monthly comic feature a popular guest star?

Either the Enervator or colorist mess up because the next time we see Eddie, he’s now white. That’s upsetting enough that he turns purple with rage. That and sharp, needle-like teeth. Yep. For the first time since Iron Man # 3, we have a “Freak” sighting!

Since comic book coincidences required debris to bury Dr. Blake’s cane so that he cannot become Thor, Iron Man’s on his own to stop this creature’s rampage without hurting him!

After a couple pages of punches and property damage, Iron Man comes up with the clever idea of using short bursts from his repulsor’s to more or less herd Eddie back towards the OR. That strategy works until Eddie instead finds the Generator Room!

Wow! Just a quick hit to the right spot and not only is the Freak unconscious, but back to normal! Either Tony's a genius or we're nearing the end of the issue!

R’oh roh! Can’t have the Freak mangle any of that machinery. So our hero adopts a martial arts approach, hitting the proper nerve that not only knocks the Freak unconscious, but - viola! - also completely reverses the mutagenetic effects by restoring Eddie to normal. No grimacing or wiggling either. It’s all neatly done in one panel so that Dr. Blake can get back to padding his medical bill.

We learn that despite all that, Eddie will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair. This gives Tony Stark a few panels to brood over his need to continue keeping his alter-ego cold and distant. (To which his Avengers’ teammates say, “Sure. We would rather face death with someone like that.)

Tony then finds a note to him from Roxanne Gilbert, telling him that Eddie had sought him out a few issues back to ask if he’d send Iron Man to look for his missing brother in Viet Nam. She lets Tony also know that she plans to go to Viet Nam to both search for this guy as well as see the damage from the war up close and personal.

Yeah, I thought Dr. Spectrum was bad, but probably not in the way you mean.

Of course, our guy’s willing to abandon the responsibilities of running a world-wide corporation to join the Annoying Hippy. Which makes me wonder just what went down off panel in their one and only date back in Issue #63?

We now reach our final panel where we see that the next issue will feature Sunfire! That’s actually good news! Something you could’ve shared a bit earlier.

Story

As I indicated in the Introduction, Iron Man #67 falls into the category of a "missed opportunity." A transition issue such as this offers the opportunity to both tie off loose ends from a previous story as well as whet everyone’s appetites for the upcoming one. That’s surely of more interest than Iron Man squaring off against a villain with both metal hands tied behind his back.

Faster than a speeding bullet! (Sorry, but no way could I let a joke that cheesy get away.

Instead, we're served a notably mundane story. 4/10

Art

Cue the broken record again. You either like George Tuska’s art or you don’t. I don’t mind it, but I can’t say I’m a fan of Mike Esposito’s inks on it. At the end of the day, both are professionals. They meet the deadlines. They provide art that tells the story without needing arrows to point the way. But I confess that I’m finding all it bit too predictable.

Let’s call it another day at the office. 5/10

All that work and best you can do is smash through it? Still not a bad shot from Tuska and Esposito.

Wimp Factor

Let’s see, our hero saves a bunch of people from the largest air-conditioning unit to ever want to fall to the ground. That’s coupled with stopping a super-powered beast who he can’t use his power against. Sort of like trying to race with both shoelaces tied together. But Tony Stark did engage his gray matter which helps. Nor were there any goofy armor malfunctions. Still, for having the audacity to mention his heart, I’m lifting this rating a point. 5/10

Villain Rating

Geez, hasn’t poor Eddie March been through enough? Blood clot. Taken over by an evil Skrull. Beat up by Thor. Now turned into a mindless purple monster with needle teeth. Way I see it, who can blame him for lashing out? But in terms of a powerful menace, not so much. 4/10

Overall Rating

Another notably dull issue that should have and could have been much better. 4/10

Purple bricks against a blue background? Not a stellar day for our colorist.

Additional Nuts & Bolts

• I truly hate to say it, but the Freak comes back a couple years later in Iron Man #84-85. At least it’s not Eddie March and even better, it will be the last time we see him (it?) again! (And I’ll be much harsher in that review! Count on it!)

• For your entertainment pleasure, below is a bit I prepared for a draft of this review. A room in a church basement room in New York City in early 1974.

  
  

  “Good evening. I want to thank all of you for coming to Bi-Monthly Comics Anonymous. This is a safe space where you can talk and share the difficulties of life as a bi-monthly Marvel comic book. If you don’t mind, can we start with you, Daredevil? Can you tell us what you’ve been doing to deal with falling to bi-monthly status?"

  
  

  “Well, my writer has moved me back to NYC from San Francisco with a new storyline that’s more consistent with my character.”

  
  

  “Excellent! That’s taking positive steps that will help. What about you, Dr. Strange?”

  
  

  “I know that I'm a character with a lesser popularity. That means I'm going to remain a bi-monthly comic book. But I accept that, knowing my writer and artist continually craft complex, intriguing stores with stunning visuals that has developed a strong following to maintain my sales.”

  
  

  “Wonderful and inspiring! That’s truly acknowledging and dealing with what you’ve been handed in life. What about you, Iron Man? You’re back with us again. What have you been doing to deal with your status?”

  
  

  “Don’t get used to me being here. My creators just had me spend an entire issue fighting the Freak - a villain no one likes. Oh, and I have Don Blake as a guest star!”

  
  

  “Don Blake? You mean Thor’s in the book?”

  
  

  “Just off panel. I didn’t need his help. For that matter, I don't even know why I'm in this meeting.”

  
  

  “Sigh. This is what we call denial. Doing exactly what led you to bi-monthly status isn’t going to increase sales. If you don’t change your lifestyle, you could end up cancelled. Remember the X-Men? Look what happened to them. And what are the chances anyone ever pays attention to them after 1974?”