Review: Iron Man #69

Meet ...The Nose!!

The Avenger’s Mansion sometime after this issue…

“Hey, Thor? Do you have a minute?”

“Certainly, Iron Man. What is it that thou wish to discuss?”

“Well, it seems that none of the Avengers want to make eye contact with me and when they start to, they suddenly start coughing and make an excuse to leave the room. Any idea what’s going on?”

“Ah, mine noble comrade-in-arms, does thou not knowest that thine latest renderings of that awe-inspiring armor hath put them into what you mortals call an awkward position.”

“You mean they’re having a difficult time with my new face mask?”

Hey! I thought you said last issue that his armor was "mentally controlled."

“Aye. If I may say so, thy new nose by itself doth tax even a god of mine stature to refrain from tumbling into mirth. May I inquire as to the reason for that uh, distinctive addition to thine armament?”

“Well, to be honest, I was kinda forced into it.”

“Who wouldst dare such an ignoble deed?”

“Would you believe Stan Lee?”

“Ah, the God of Thunder cannot fathom how you allow ourselves to be tasked about by such a mortal.”

“Oh yeah? Let me ask you another question. Why is it that a Norse god speaks in Old English? I know for a fact that that isn’t how Vikings or any one in Scandinavia ever spoke.”

“Ah, well yes, mine good comrade, you see…”

“You speak that way because of Stan Lee, right.”

“Sigh. Verily.”

George Tuska is better than this.

Now that our hero knows why his fellow teammates smirk whenever he enters the room, we can shift our focus to the first of four parts in the opening salvo of the “Super-Villain War.” While it makes sense to extend a story of this potential over several issues, that task proved a challenge for a bi-monthly book where the stretch between issues tended to dull momentum and test reader’s patience.

Added to that, this is the first full issue where we have to contend with that damned nose. Almost as bad is the bottom lip that penciler George Tuska adds to the face plate, making the star of the book appear all the more ridiculous.

But since we’re committed by this point, we might as well accept that we’re headed for a “Confrontation!”

Yep, all that sea life is indeed laughing at our hero.

Credits

Writer: Mike Friedrich

Pencils: George Tuska

Inks: Mike Esposito

Colorist: Petra Goldberg

Letterer: Tom Orzechowski

Editor: Roy Thomas

Cover Art: Ron Wilson & Mike Esposito

Release Date: April 30, 1974

Synopsis

As much as I gushed over last issue’s Starlin-Cockrum beauty, huge props also need to go out to Ron Wilson for another impressive cover! Simple, but definitely effective work from an underrated artist.

Sadly, we go from appealing to appalling with one of the worst splash pages ever from the George Tuska era. I swear that if I look at it long enough, I can see each of those aquatic creatures rolling their eyes at that goofy looking face mask. None of this helped by Mike Friedrich’s over the top captions.

Unhappy over the lack of appreciation for his hard work from the denizens of the deep, Iron Man takes out his frustrations on the Mandarin’s base, suspecting that his long-time nemesis has a back-up plan.

Which he does, quickly raising the base to the surface while reminding his captive Sunfire - or Gullible Jerk as I’ve dubbed him - and the rest of us what went down last issue. This include another hint of the “Super-Villain” war where we’re told that “This is the first sign of one of Marvel’s Most Magnificent Epics.”

Were that to be the case!

Not a bad panel - until you see that face mask! Argh!

Anyway, once we’re presented with a panel showing the functions of all ten of the Mandarin’s rings, it’s time for him to use only three of them on our hero. However, the last one sticks. Literally as it’s a heat blast with flames clinging to Iron Man’s armor. Exiting outside, he buys enough time to activate this Thermo-Couple which will turn the heat to energy that he can store for a rainy day.

Or the Mandarin’s next attack! Which is a disintegrator ray that misses our hero, but not his base. This sends Iron Man back into the water to rescue a trapped Sunfire.

But to keep the Gullible Jerk nervous for a few more minutes, the scene moves to Stark Industries. We catch up on the latest drama between Pepper and her husband, Happy with the latter giving the former a letter that’s “too incredible” for her to believe. And we’re going to have to wait sixty more days to find out about it.

From there, we’re back in Viet Nam where Roxie Gilbert finds her rescuer from a bombing to be a one-armed Marty March - the very guy she and Iron Man went to southwest Asia to find. And yes, another two months must elapse before we learn anymore about him.

Hi Marty! Now it's your turn to deal with the Annoying Hippy for a few issues!

Now that Sunfire’s had enough time to sweat it out, Iron Man arrives to save him, only to have the Japanese mutant knocked out by ricocheting machinery. As our hero places him on a piece of floating debris, I try not to wonder how Sunfire can withstand punches from Iron Man, but be knocked unconscious from debris.

Before I can solve that riddle, the Mandarin blasts our hero with an impact ray which causes a relapse in his heart problems. Seeking some distance, Iron Man activates his boot jets. But not before a blow from the Mandarin renders him unconscious - and jetting upwards!

Bad as this is, it gets much worse as the story brings in the Claw. I say worse not because I can’t stand the villain - and he’s not one of my favorites - but because the guy’s colored with that old, hideous pale yellow skin tone. It didn’t set well with me as a kid and I dislike it even more now. The Claw’s thought balloons and another caption promote this upcoming war, telling us that the other contestants aren't “pikers” - causing my thirteen year old self to hit the dictionary to learn the meaning of that word!

But with Iron Man out of his hair, the Mandarin’s off to his former base that the Claw’s taken over and his solution to evicting said squatter is unleashing…Ultimo! Our last panel has Iron Man speeding off into space with the promise of the Mandarin taking on the Claw and the question of who will stop that giant blue robot with protruding lower teeth?

Yeah, I have to say that's what you call making an entrance!

Story

I’m going to try something - think about this story as if it didn’t have that accursed nose. Now that helps, but this issue is still a bit of a mixed bag. We have a decent if not exciting fight between the Mandarin and our hero. At least until the writer falls back on the incredibly tired and now cliched excuse of “Tony Stark’s Heart Problems.” That pours a good dose of cold water over everything.

Didn't know our hero's boot jets could take him that far so quickly!

If nothing else, Mike Friedrich keeps the story moving fast enough so that we overlook the flaws in the story.

I’d be inclined to lean the scale towards a “thumbs up,” but that “Nose” is just too much for me. 5/10

Art

I’m wondering if George Tuska was intentionally attempting to make that face mask look bad. If so, he and inker Mike Esposito valiantly succeeded. Bad enough with that metallic proboscis, but when you toss in a bottom lip and expressions, we’re officially into “cringe-worthy” territory. Toss in those offensive depictions of exaggerated teeth on the Asian characters and we're into "thumbs down" territory. 4/10

Wimp Factor

You had to do it, didn’t you? Here we were. Each one of us making a good faith effort to adjust to that horrid new face mask and you go and resurrect Tony Stark’s heart problems! I just hope you heard the collective groan elicited from every reader across our blessed nation reading this issue. That completely wipes out a nice showing against the Mandarin. 7/10

You had to go there, didn't you?

Villain Rating

I just have to say that for someone who is reputed to be an evil genius, it would seem that the Mandarin lacks much of an imagination. Think about it. The dude has ten rings with the collective power to wreak considerable havoc on this or any other world. Yet, all he ever does is use just one at a time. In this issue, he only engages four of them against his arch opponent. Why not combine several at once? And why not utilize them with his martial arts? I’ve no doubt that would put Iron Man or most any self-respecting hero to the total task. Also, a tad embarrassing is that he had to awaken Ultimo to help take out the Claw. Behavior like that isn’t going to gain him membership into the Elite Lounge with Dr. Doom, Loki, Magneto or the Red Skull. 6/10. As for the other villains, they’ll have to wait an issue. Best the Claw had to offer were some boring thought balloons. At least Ultimo broke through a mountain. And what about the Unicorn? Poor guy was nothing but an unconscious lump the entire issue. No rating.

Overall Rating

Not a bad start to another four-parter, but I can’t get past that nose and face mask. 5/10

Additional Nuts & Bolts

• As I stated in my previous review and will state in every appearance of this character, I refuse to call him “Yellow Claw” as he is in the comics as I find the name offensive and racist. It’s my hope everyone at least respects my reason for doing so.

• Everyone’s favorite giant, blue robot with bad dental work first appeared in Tales of Suspense #77 before returning in Avengers Annual #1. Although initial stories have the Mandarin credited for his (or it’s) creation, later stories depict his (it’s) being a “doomsday device” that somehow made it to our nice blue marble. Lucky us!

• Then we come to the Unicorn. I’ve no idea how he survives being at the bottom of the sea, but the guy manages to somehow return to hassle our hero in Iron Man #113 a few years down the road.