Review: Iron Man #39
- Rick Moore
- Jan 23
- 7 min read
Just How Bad?
No sense beating around the bush. Iron Man #39 is bad. I’m not just talking about a comic book that’s not very good. No. I’m talking about one so hideous that in an alternate universe, Reed Richards used it instead of the Ultimate Nullifier to scare away Galactus.
We’re talking about a story that makes less than zero sense visualized by perhaps the worst art job ever printed in an Iron Man comic. While I’m not a fan of Herb Trimpe, this is without a doubt the sloppiest work I’ve ever seen from him. My guess is that he was under a considerable deadline - like by this time tomorrow! - to turn in such horrid work.
There is a redeeming panel in this most dreadful of comic books. But even that ends up being a backhanded compliment. Even letting Tony Stark have a heart attack would have elevated this issue - although my guess is that he would have unplugged any life support in order to spare himself any further humiliation with this issue.
C’mon, Rick, I hear you saying. It can’t be that bad. Can it?
I’ll let you judge for yourself as we experience “A Twist of Memory...A Turn of Mind”
Synopsis
The story opens with Tony Stark checking in on injured SHIELD Agent/Stark Industries Liaison Jasper Sitwell. It’s been 5 issues since overrated Spymaster zapped the poor guy into a coma. Although our hero beats himself senseless with guilt on the inside, Tony decides to be a cold-hearted dick to the doctor in his parting remarks. After all, as he tells himself, it’s essential that he shows the world that he’s a “heartless, self-loving playboy.”
While I would question the advantages of being thought of in such a manner for someone of Tony Stark’s position, we don’t have long to dwell on it because a mist suddenly sprays out from below the dash, quickly putting him to sleep, causing his car to break through a metal barrier on a bridge and plunge into the East River below.
We’re presented with some extreme existential angst in the captions about Tony Stark’s pending mortality before a pair of scuba divers pull him from said vehicle, taking him to a large submarine.
Wait just a freaking minute! This is a kidnapping? And we’re supposed to believe that the gas would be released just as Tony Stark is driving over just that point on the freeway? How would they know that he would be going that direction? Or that he’d be in the right lane so that his vehicle would break through the barrier to sail into the river instead of causing a multicar pileup? And just how long were those divers waiting underwater? I’m also wondering when said kidnappers would have had time to install that gas device in Tony Stark’s car? I’m guessing there’s a reasonable amount of security for his vehicles. For that matter, didn’t Tony Stark used to have a chauffeur? That’s how Happy Hogan got his start in this series. Would all of this have been much easier to just have a snatch and grab at the hospital where Jasper was staying?
Sorry for the interruption. I’m guessing you now realize that a clear coherent story this isn’t going to be.
We next see the semi-conscious Tony Stark delivered to the command center of a humongous amphitheater of said sub where we meet a guy with purple horns and a cute woman complimenting each other on nearly drowning one of the richest men in the world. The head honcho - who we learn hopes that he won’t be called the White Dragon much longer - has Tony placed in a device called the Transcriber. With said contraction doing it’s dirty work, we learn of “the Council” and that White Dragon means “He who is a coward” and that the lead villain is doing what he’s doing to regain the favor of the pretty Asian woman’s father and thereby removing the name “White Dragon.”
If you need a moment to digest all of that, no problem because the next scene has a worried Kevin O’Brien checking on his boss, concerned over his unusual behavior. Kevin then finds out that Tony Stark is working on blueprints for a new weapon instead of an upcoming presentation to a U.N. committee. He then directs the loyal Irishman to create this weapon, mentioning headaches just as Kevin leaves.
The story then moves forward several days with several badly drawn panels showing Iron Man heading to the Avengers mansion, still suffering those headaches. Which are now worse.
Why?
It would seem that Iron Man’s armor blocks the signal from the device that the insidious Transcriber placed in Tony Stark’s brain. But being a resourceful supervillain, he has monitors that show Iron Man in the air.
Worried that Tony Stark has sent Iron Man to pummel he and his plans, White Dragon sends several missiles that disgorge blue and gray clad flunkies who look nothing like the ones on the cover to hassle our hero.
On a bad day, it shouldn’t take the second most powerful Avenger more than a page dispense with them. Unfortunately, on this really, really bad day, Iron Man’s headache distracts him enough that they’re able to blast him from the sky to a landing near the Avenger's Mansion
Speaking of the said team, Captain American, Thor, Hawkeye (as Goliath) and the Falcon arrive for a brief cameo that's sufficent to send the lackeys heading for the hills.
As for our forlorn hero, can we be assured he expresses his appreciation?
Of course not. Instead of gratitude and perhaps a request for medical assistance, Iron Man mutters some absolute nonsense. When a visibly irked Falcon asks what’s up with that , he’s promptly scolded by Cap that their fellow member’s clear mental and physical failings are clearly none of their business.
With friends like these…
Anyway, feeling dishonored for his cannon fodders' failure, White Dragon decides that the only available course of action is to destory Tony Stark by detonating that doohickey in his grey matter.
This action causes our hero to fall ever-so conveniently next to the lab where his right-hand companion Kevin O'Brien who spares us the worst of his Irish platitudes as he pulls Iron Man inside a secluded room.
At the same time, courtesy of monitoring devices that probably peek into women’s locker rooms as well, the White Dragon gleefully puts two and two together with Iron Man’s fall, declaring with a threatening outstretched arm that “Tony Stark is Iron Man…and the two who are one...are mine!” If that’s not enough to ensure that we pluck down fifteen cents this time next month, we have a caption posing several key questions:
“Who is this mysterious council?”
“What somber dishonor drives White Dragon to plumb the depths of cutting paranoia?”
“And is this really the last moment of the man named Tony Stark…and thus of his heroic alter ego..Iron Man?”
Spoiler Alert! We get answers to the last one pretty early on in Issue #40 and that’s about it.
Ratings
Writing
Gerry Conway clearly owes Herb Trimpe big time for the fifteen minutes he spent drawing this issue. I say that because this is without a doubt the worst story in the writer’s nine issues - and as you’ve seen and will see - that ain’t no small feat. One major question is whatever possessed Conway to create the White Dragon when Iron Man already has a big-time Asian overlord character with the Mandarin? Like him or not (and I lean a tad to the latter), the Mandarin is a big-time time, scenery-chewing monologuing mastermind. And hey, one of his ten amazing rings controls minds! Plus, the dude’s cache surely would have boosted sales in a title that was clearly shedding readers.
Nor is there even a tantalizing hint about the backstory about the White Dragon, the cute woman’s daddy and this mysterious Council. I know that Conway and other writers of this era typically started their stories with no idea how they were going to end them. But if you’re attempting to establish a new member of Iron Man’s Rogue’s Gallery, shouldn’t you at least offer readers some reason to want to know more about him?
I’m beginning to think that by being in a coma, Jasper Sitwell’s the lucky one. 2/10
Art
“I miss you, Don Heck!” are words I didn’t envision ever typing. But even the issues where his limits are fully exposed stands heads and armored shoulders above this mess. While I'm not a card-carrying fan of Her Trimpe, his style worked okay for me on the Hulk when the bulk of the story had the green guy wrestling around with some huge, ugly monster. But his rendering of people struck me as stiff and lifeless. At the same time, anyone can see that this is clearly a rush job. Given that Trimpe inked this, I also strongly believe that various portions of certain panels were inked without even penciling. We’re a couple years before reprints became the response when an artist or writer missed a crucial deadline. As a result, all kidding aside, I’d hate to imagine the short window Herb Trimpe had to complete this issue. 1/10
Wimp Factor
I’m willing to concede that having a metal sliver in your brain dictating your actions could prove a bit debilitating. But damn, I’m not sure there’s a single heroic action taken by Iron Man in this issue. The flying dudes from the giant tubes have their way with him. Best he can do is survive - or hopefully survive - a long fall. 9/10
Villain Rating
Let’s see, we have the White Dragon, a fifth-rate Mandarin knock-off - who's a Fu Manchu knock-off. Then there’s the generic cannon fodder who spilled out of flying tubes required nearly five seconds of the Avenger’s time. The only one who marginally worried me was the Asian woman cozying up to our big bad guy. Mix them all up in a batter for rating of 2/10.
Overall Rating
Weak story coupled with embarrassing art? Is this rating any surprise? 1/10
Additional Nuts & Bolts:
Poor Frankie Majors. After being the star of the previous issue, he's relegated to one panel before fading into permanent obscurity.
Poor Herb Trimpe. At least he receives an opportunity at redemption when he takes over pencils for this series in #82 (1975).
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