Iron Man's 10 Worst 70's Villains

I think we can all agree that when it comes to villains, Iron Man’s Rogues Gallery leaves "a lot a lot" to be desired. The Seventies in particular presented the Golden Avenger with a true cast of pathetic losers and laughable buffoons. Having delved into nearly all of his 70's run with my blog (see below), I'm allowing my biased opinion to rank worst of them in ascending order.

And if you don't recognize some of them, then consider yourself lucky!

10. Princess Python. I know. I know. She’s not really an Iron Man rogue. Zelda DuBois is a key member of the hilariously awful Circus of Crime. A silly criminal cartel that spent the 70's somehow getting hired to perform in some city or town so that they could bounce from Marvel title to Marvel title - making even the most lackluster of superheroes look competent. However, for reasons that defy any and all logic, this lovely villainess was called to duty for our guy’s 50th issue! As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, it was her snake that gave Iron Man an actual challenge. That round of sheer humiliation alone awards her a ranking.

9. Commander Kraken. After two less than inspiring appearances in the Submariner and Beware the Claws of the Cat, someone foolishly allowed guest artist Herb Trimpe to use him for two incredibly horrid issues of Iron Man. As if it wasn’t dismal enough that our hero couldn’t handle a poor man’s Jack Sparrow with a few gadgets in #93, the following issue had Kraken learn that it was Tony Stark underneath the armor! Fortunately, we didn’t see that gaudy loop earring again until Kraken was mowed down several years later along with a collection of two dozen other atrocious evildoers by the Scourge of the Underworld in Captain America #319.

8. Mr. Kline. Meet the worst supervillain that Iron Man never actually met. This nicotine-addicted scoundrel first appeared in Daredevil as a behind-the-scenes schemer, setting up all kinds of mischief for Matt Murdock’s alter-ego before including Iron Man in his fun and games. While that had some initial appeal, whatever grandiose epic young writer Gerry Conway had in mind unraveled with each subsequent appearance. Turned out that Mr. Kline’s strings were being played by other puppet masters. Oh, and he was actually an android. And yeah, so were all the villains he employed. At least some of them. But he was definitely sent from the future to change the past for completely unknown reasons. Unfortunately, while his schemes ended with his demise in Daredevil #84, he did help push Iron Man to bi-monthly status and near cancellation.

7. Demetrius & the Slasher. Two for the price of one and the first of Mr. Kline’s agents sent against our hero in #41. The latter guy - who's cowering in the corner of that second panel - may have got cover billing, but all he amounted to were metal fingers and a sour disposition. It was the object of his snide commentary, Demetrius, who stole the show. Once triggered by the mind of hot blonde ESPer and future fiancé of Tony Stark, Marianne Rodgers, the guy morphed into giant with huge zits on his forehead that spawned metal tentacles with deadly pinchers. Or did he? Turned out to be an illusion. Or were both of them just androids? Thankfully, we’ve never seen either of them or their ugly polka-dotted outfits since that ghastly issue!

6. Jonah. You know you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel for Iron Man - a book about a corporate CEO who wears a suit of techno-armor - when you decide to have him put through his paces by a two-bit mobster. That’s exactly what took place in Iron Man #38 where our hero was outwitted by rejects from the cast of the Godfather with the lead heavy calling himself Jonah. Oh, and this was the one and only issue where Iron Man literally had his arm in a sling. Believe it or not, the series actually got worse after this.

5. Monster Maker. Iron Man #30 launched the (very) brief career of Allen Brodsky - a writer who wanted to bring a conservative point of view to comics. Sure. Why not. However, what that meant in practice was a horridly simplistic issue with painful racial stereotypes, a knockoff Godzilla villain and a diabolical mastermind calling himself the Monster Maker whose final words were something about purging Japan of “Yankee invaders.” Thank God this issue didn't sell or it would have ruined President Nixon's trip to China a couple years later.

4. Foreman & World Corp. Actually, Foreman works for World Corp - an interstellar company that terraforms worlds and who had our lovely blue marble on their “to-do” list. The Foreman was a human-like guy from some other world who also had the hots for Marianne Rodgers. He lasted all of four panels against Iron Man before our hero removed his helmet. This caused him to age rapidly and depart this world - allowing lovely Marianne the opportunity to chastise Iron Man for taking the life of an alien who'd captured her and planned to take her with him. Talk about gratitude.

3. The Black Lama. I’ll avoid silly jokes about this guy being Iron Man’s “lamest” villain. Actually, he started out as a rather captivating opponent back in #53, a mysterious entity with mystical powers that stymied our hero. Unfortunately, when the Black Lama reappeared as the instigator of the dreadful “War of the Supervillains,” his intrigue diminished with each and every issue. Rock bottom arrived in #80 after a series of fill-ins and a reprint that culminated with the Black Lama actually being the resident of another dimension. Calling himself King Jerald, he was that universe's version of our then President Gerald Ford. Which is totally absurd as there's no way a president of our stately nation would ever, ever behave like a king.

2. White Dragon. We now have our second villain on this list of losers that learned Iron Man’s secret identity. An Asian mastermind with a ginormous submarine and pretty girlfriend, the guy’s mission was scoring redemption in the eyes of said cutie’s daddy who was part of some uber-secret council that we never, ever heard of again. To accomplish this, all he needed to do was take over Tony Stark’s mind so that he’d build a weapon to blow up the United Nations. When all of that started to go south, the poor guy learned that his honey was actually stabbing him in the back. So instead of finding another fish in the sea, he opted to blow all of them up. That certainly showed her!

1. Mikas. Or should I say, “Soulfather” - which he also called himself. Why does this skinny guy with nice white hair earn the top spot? Lots of reasons. He was another villain that crossed paths with Marianne Rodgers - she got around quite a bit before her mind drove her to “Crazy Town.” Yet another agent of Mr. Kline, this guy started out as a mutant with a new power seeming to appear every two panels. Energy projection. Teleportation. Mind Control. Telepathy. Super strength. Demon control. Matter manipulation. Heat resistance. Quite a laundry list! More than a match for poor Shellhead. At least until Marianne whispered sweet nothings to our hero, prompting him to squirt every last erg of power into a huge blast that revealed Mikas to be a…robot? Mechanical or not, this dude helped Mr. Kline cause Marvel to nearly pull the plug on our hero! That's the cherry on top to earn this lofty ranking.

My sincere apologies to The Minotaur, Dr. Kurakill and the Freak who just missed out - earning "dishonorable mentions." I should also note that six of these villains appeared under writer Gerry Conway’s first reign on this series - with Commander Kraken showing up during his second tenure several years later.

With all of this being purely subjective, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on it. Let me also invite you to check out my blog, The Iron Age Revisited, where every Friday, I post a review of an issue from Iron Man’s first volume. You can subscribe at a link at the bottom of that page.